Home for the Holidays


Aunt Virginia’s born again.
She used to be on heroin.
Now she’s in a better way,
Home for the holidays.
You begin the meal with grace
Managing a straight face.
Pass the wine, pass the peas.
Let’s not talk religion, please.

Please, no politics.
Uncle Earl gets right on with it.
“Here’s the ham, howya been?
Are you still vegetarian?”
They’ve become so right wing
It’s hard to talk about anything
Except for food, sports, and weather.
Let’s give peace a chance together.

Blood on blood is thicker than water,
Father and son, sister and brother.
Jesus was a lamb.
Lambs get slaughtered. 

Slip a scrap to the dog.
Pour some rum in your soy nog.
Uncle Rex makes a joke
That makes them laugh and makes you choke.
Funny how he sees the world
Eye to eye with Uncle Earl.
Father stays above the fray,
Head buried in his plate.

Mother sighs like your sister,
Mean and nasty, but you missed her.
Wouldn’t grandchildren be nice?
A dog will have to suffice.
Grandma 1 and Grandma 2
Talk about what’s wrong with you.
You have no kids., you have no house,
You’re sleeping on the pullout couch.

Blood on blood is thicker than water,
Father and son, sister and brother.
Jesus was a lamb.
Lambs get slaughtered. 

There’s your nephew. There’s your niece.
The whole family’s ‘round the feast.
They may love you in their way.
They mean well, but you can’t stay.
Swap the gifts. “Thank you.” “Cheers.”
Say goodbye until next year.
Unless Christ returns by then
You’ll have to go through this again.